I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
