i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
