when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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