the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
