so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
