I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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