Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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