im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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