This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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