how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
