Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
