Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
