Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
