i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
someone get that fucking seahorse.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
