I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
