last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
