i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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