do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
