i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
