Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
