What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
