Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
