Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
