I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
