I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
