Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
