Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
