New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
