Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
