I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
