dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
