I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
