Someone shit on the floor
I just cut my nipple shaving
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
