Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
