I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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