I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
