So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
