U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
