did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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