We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
