The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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