Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
