Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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