Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's never too late to be topless.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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