ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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