Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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