You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
