I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
