"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
