would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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