You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
