If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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